Love Wins In Marriage Episode #47

Aaron McHugh

 
 

How should I write about the width and depth of twenty-two years of marriage, life, kids, vacations, pain, joy, adventure, family, depression, death, new beginnings, addiction, career, sexual intimacy, and money? In this podcast, my wife Leith and I offer a gritty and raw re-telling of our story.

Instead of writing a post about what we share in this podcast, I will share something I wrote for our friend’s wedding, The Way of Love, adapted from 1 Corinthians 13:4. I am not a pastor. I am just a simple guy who learns best when I can relate by practical application. I hope The Way of Love encourages you as you throw yourself into the mysteries of choosing love.

We printed this and put it up on our refrigerator to remind of us how Love Wins.

Click to Listen Love Wins In Marriage

McHugh's @ Laguna Beach, CA photography by Gabe Sullivan
McHugh’s @ Laguna Beach, CA photography by Gabe Sullivan

The Way of Love

If I speak with you using fancy persuasive words or if I write you love songs that I sing to you under a star light night, or if I buy you a house with a white picket fence with a new Lexus in the garage, but if I don’t have love as my motive, love as my guide, love as the silver thread woven into the fibers of our marriage, then all of my words and actions will make you grow weary like the creaking sound of a rusty gate.

So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. I want to learn to love you like this, Love never gives up. The Way of Love doesn’t use the word ‘divorce’ in our home. Love isn’t self-centered.

The Way of Love studies and learns the deep desires of your heart. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. The Way of Love develops daily rituals to remind me to be grateful.

Love doesn’t strut, Love doesn’t have a swelled head. The Way of Love humbly owns how I am unfinished as a person. The Way of Love is to admit that I am under construction and in need of constant renovation. The Way of Love is to never pretend that I’ve got this whole thing figured out.

Love doesn’t force itself on others, Love isn’t always talking about “me first”. The Way of Love is tender and patient waiting with an open hand, not a tight grip. Love doesn’t fly off the handle. The Way of Love punctuates every conversation with restraint.

Love doesn’t keep score of the sins of others. The Way of Love never participates in the battles of blame. The Way of Love grows forgetful together and remains loyal, no matter what the cost. Even when your spouse blows it, is terrible to be around, is sick, depressed, disappointed, angry, irritating, obnoxious, or temporarily impersonates someone you’ve never met.

The Way of Love forms an alliance with God about who He designed your spouse to be, despite how ugly that part of them is right now. The Way of Love never stops believing the best about each other and always expects the best from each other.

The Way of Love always stands your ground in defending your spouse even when it’s with your best friend, your family, or someone who intimidates you. The Way of Love also knows when its time to let them come to their own defense.

The Way of Love always trusts God’s good heart and intentions towards you even when life’s road is steep, rocky, and full of dead ends. The Way of Love never looks back, but finds a way to keep going to the end.

Love Wins!

The Way of Love adapted from 1 Corinthians 13:4 by aaron mchugh | The Message | NIV | Amplified


Resources

Brave Beauty is an organization for women… a space where women are invited to connect with each other vulnerably and authentically as they explore their own story of bravery and beauty. We offer events such as Super Soul Happy Hours, Yoga/Writing Retreats, Girls Weekends, Mom & Daughter events, and more.
For more info: leith@bravebeauty.org
  • jb

    I think it is crazy that there are no comments on here; the podcast was incredible and impactful! I very much appreciate your openness and candor. Those of us who have been married 10+ years and who have also experienced tragedy appreciate hearing your inner dialogue as well as hearing that we are not and have not been alone in our struggles. Marriage can seem so lonely at times and when it seems like people/couples constantly appear like they have it all together, it can begin to feel like there must be something really wrong. When, in truth, everyone is struggling to some level; only a few of us are brave enough to talk about it openly. Thanks for sharing your story. Really, thank you.

    • Hey JB-thank you for taking the time to write down your experience. It’s interesting to me that after almost 50 episodes the one that gets the most attention quickly is the one that’s hardest to tell. The truth is that the Joy we experience now is always in contrast against the backdrop of the pain and loss we’ve lived through. Which makes our gratitude meter pretty high. We attended a wedding once where the pastor asked the couple “Are you sure you are ready to commit for the rest of your life to love another person who is as imperfect as you are”. Since you’re 10 yrs in….then you have the full view of what’s real and what’s not. Keep going bro and thanks for listening. Tell your wife Hi for us.