If I had a magic wand, I would give you the compulsion to experiment MORE. Try something new, a tiny step, or a radical idea. Start today. Certainty rarely exists. Let go of the illusion of control and step into experimentation. Holding grace and curiosity as your explorer mindsets. Learn as you go and repeat, iterate as you go.
Let go of work-life balance and embrace the unforced rhythms of a fully integrated life. I used to think that work-life balance was achievable.
Now I believe it is a myth.
No matter how hard I tried, I could never achieve this perfect moment of everything in my life working in perfect Zen harmony and balance.
The way forward isn’t exhaustion. It isn’t juggling, stretching, or herculean gymnastic efforts to come through for others while ignoring yourself. The way forward is an integrated, wholehearted life.
The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor, and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence in whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him, he’s always doing both.”
-James Michener
After the death of our daughter Hadley in 2011, I found myself desperately trying to hold my life together. My marriage was suffering. My kids needed their dad. And my already intense corporate career as an executive was only getting more complicated as responsibilities and promotions kept coming my way.
I was burning out but didn’t admit it.
Anybody else could see the signs a mile away. I was so focused on what was right in front of me that when it finally hit-I was utterly blindsided. And the solution was nothing short of a complete do-over—a “reboot,” as we called it. We sold our house and everything, down to the last fork. We spent the summer serving at a Young Life camp, finding a new normal.
It wasn’t easy. It took brutal months of inner work, therapy programs, tears, and facing the old stories that no longer served us. Stories like “I have to do it all” and “I can’t trust anybody else to get it done.” But out of that, we emerged with a new vision for our life—a new story-A life filled with excitement, ambition, love, rest, forgiveness, and hope.
I realized my software executive career no longer aligned with the person I had become. For so long, I had tried to find the fabled work-life balance.
The problem was I didn’t want my life to be compartmentalized anymore, with each area staying separate from the other. I wanted it all integrated into one wild, beautiful mess.
Once I stopped trying to achieve work-life balance, I discovered a third-way rhythm, “a repeated pattern of movement” where work, life, play, relationships, rest, finances, friendships, and adventure could co-exist within my experience of each day.
I began to experience my life as a complete whole where every valuable aspect was connected and worked together. I discovered more of God’s presence and meaning in ways I had never noticed. It radically transformed my life for the better-my mission now is to share that discovery with as many people as possible (like you).
Ultimately I left my corporate executive career behind. After eight months of living off of savings, pursuing work that fit the person I had become, and taking our checking account down to $1500, I discovered a new career doing work that I truly loved. That fit within this new integrated life we were architecting. (Fun fact, my first client meeting in my new career as an executive leadership coach happened less than 1 mile from where I resigned from my old gig just months before. Talk about coming full circle.)
My story isn’t about making millions, retiring early, or living a carefree “work 2 hours a week” lifestyle. That’s all great, but that’s not what I’m talking about here. Like you, I still work a full-time, 40-50 hour work week.
I’m talking about loosening our grip on perfection and balance by living a more meaningful, fulfilled, and wholly integrated life in your current environment- In the career, relationships, and body you’re in-resulting in a life full of adventure and meaning.
I’ve discovered another way to operate in the world. I am at choice. I no longer live under the “shoulds” and “ought to’s” of my creation or the expectations of others.
Three closing wisdom invitations, starting with “If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.” I believe you see this within your experience.
Bronnie Ware is a palliative care provider and author The Top Five Regrets the Dying. She captured her results over years of sharing the last weeks and days with her patients who’d moved home from the hospital to die. In their final conversations, the patients discussed any regrets they had or anything they wished they would have done differently. Here’s what she heard. Take a good listen, keeping in mind work-life balance vs. wholehearted living.
The Top Five:
1) I wish I’d dared to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2) I wish I’d not worked so hard.
3) I wish I’d dared to express my feelings.
4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5) I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best with your own life.
-Saint Paul
I used to think that work-life balance was achievable. Now I believe it’s a myth. Let go of work-life balance and embrace the unforced rhythms of a fully integrated life. Embrace the mess, the beauty-the imperfection of integration.
And now, here is the invitation for us all:
-To do your best work
-To become wholehearted
-To play and live adventurously
Will you accept it? I hope you do.
Let’s navigate a well-lived life together.
Keep going
-Aaron
I’m thinking about how to start something when you only have a small piece of the map-unable to see very far into the future. Which for most of us creates a lot of discomfort. How can we learn to move forward, begin, and take small steps amidst tremendous uncertainty?
I discovered this small piece of a topographic map in London’s Royal Geographic Society Map room. Take a look at the photo- see the beauty of the colors and the possibilities in the shapes of the contour where the green landscape meets meandering streams. Is it from Ningi, Nigeria? Possibly. Or maybe it’s from Korini, Greece? I don’t know.
What’s more interesting to me now is the metaphor of how frequently our life and career journeys begin with only having a small piece of the map. A hunch of an idea, the first step, what Boyd Varty in the Lion Tracker’s Guide to Life calls “First Tracks.” On the track of a lion in the bushveld of South Africa, he narrates his mythical and specific experience,
“I don’t know where we are going, but I know exactly how to get there might be the motto of the great tracker. Track. Track. Track, Ren (his mentor) has said to me at other times. I understood him to mean find the first track, then the next track, then the one after that. He does not set out into the unlikely chance of finding a lion in the future. He works with what he has now, in the moment. In the bush and life, we don’t get trails fully laid out. We get tremendous unknowns and, if we are lucky, first tracks. Then next first tracks.”
-Boyd Varty
Back at the Royal Geographic Society, trackers we know by heart hatched plans that transformed the world we know today. The map room was the meeting place of their First Tracks and “tremendous unknowns-I imagine their explorers’ mottos something like this
“Despite the tremendous unknowns, we must begin. We must go and see for ourselves.”
-Explorers, Pioneers, Trackers
Friends, like a lion tracker or explorer, we must become more comfortable with tremendous unknowns, not having the whole path laid out for us and beginning by taking action, which the poet David Whyte calls starting close in.
“Start close in, don’t take the second step or the third, start with the first thing close in, the step you don’t want to take. Start with the ground you know, the pale ground beneath your feet.”
-David Whyte
However tiny your piece of the map you possess, start, begin, track, and look for the next step to emerge. Certainty will not increase, but your ability to keep moving forward amidst the uncertainty will.
Small edges of the map.
First Tracks.
“Start with the ground you know, the pale ground beneath your feet.”
Keep going-
Aaron
Deep in Colorado’s largest wilderness area, our adventure trio, Chris, Dave, and I, were hunting “spectacular plateaus of rolling tundra, ripsaw ridges, cliff-ringed lakes, and lush midsummer wildflowers” on The Weminuche High Route.
A quick snapshot: The Weminuche High Route (WHR), a 50-mile adventure hike, launches outside of Durango, CO, atop 11,000-foot Endlich Mesa, navigating endlessly north, zig-zagging up and down alpine valleys, passes, elk trails, stitching together old prospector claims, while overshadowed by behemoths peaks like The Guardian, Storm King, Silex, The Needles, Leviathan Peak, Jagged Mountain.
Thanks to our internal Swiss army knife of readiness, a handful of printed maps, and previous pioneer Steve Howe for the GPS tracks. We set out to explore this obscure backpacking high route.
Previously, we’d underestimated our Colorado homeland opting for other more isolated mountain ranges like The Wind River of Wyoming and The Brooks Range of Alaska. Although in our home state, the Weminuche remains a six-hour drive away, further limiting infrequent exploration and miscalculating her renowned steep, jagged, and lonely alpine terrain.
The plan was hatched: 1) Explore more of our Colorado home. 2) The route is point-to-point. It starts south on Endlich Mesa, outside of Durango, CO, meandering north, dancing in the high places finishing 50 miles later by descending right into downtown Silverton. 3) The alluring size and scale of alpine giants-hundreds of summits.
How long will it take? Plan on five to eight nights. We packed food for six nights and finished the WHR in five nights-six days.
How many hours were you on the move every day? 7-10 hours each day.
How many miles did you cover each day? Daily average: 8-14 miles daily, with 3200 to 4500 ft of vertical ascent. At some points, we were going SLOW when we were Off-trail, e.g., talus ascent, carefully at one mph. At other points, with a good trail underfoot, we could cruise much faster: e.g., on the Colorado Trail, for a tiny bit, we averaged 3+ MPH. But that never lasted long.
What was the vertical ascent/descent for the entire route? 16,291+ vertical ascent and 18,239+ descent.
The WHR isn’t marked. No trail signs say, “go here, turn left.” It might look like we’re on a trail -just wait-ten feet later, it peters out, and you’re hunting for a new option. Losing the trail on a high route is par for the course. Scanning for game paths, old prospectors lines, elk hunters use tracks and bushwhacking up-down-across deadfall (down timber), creeks, spines, ravines, scree fields, talus, loose boulders strewn precariously descending alpine runouts. The rules of life on the WHR: walk softly, triple-check before committing to a turn.
The Pirates of the Weminuche High Route
Season: High summer promises the greatest ease of weather, no snow, river crossings are tame, and temperatures are moderate. Start as early as late-May and plan for snowy passes. September-October promises cooler temperatures and dry Indian Summer conditions with the risk of snow showers in the high places.
Day 2: Pirate flag makes me laugh. Each day, new guy carries on his pack. At night to signal happy hour begins at camp host’s tent
Day 2 evening: Deer walks into camp as we listen to Resilience meditation together
Day 3: Not everyone on our team thinks talus walking is fun
Day 4-5: Spontaneous shower in an alpine waterfall coming off Leviathan’s shoulder
Walked into Silverton: Swollen feet-a bit tired, but full. Sun-stained and wholehearted
From Durango: Plan to drive two-hours up to Endlich Mesa 4×4 vehicles required for the last 10 miles. After Arriving in Silverton, a preplanned shuttle recommended. No reliable Uber service.
I’ve upgraded the backcountry equipment I carry on these expeditions with a focus on ultra light. I’m no zealot over ounces, but I do appreciate stuff that works, stuff that holds up and reduces my base weight of 13-14 lbs (my pack weight including everything but food and water).
Hyperlight’s 4400 Southwest Ultralight backpack | Endlessly comfortable & simple
Hyperlite Ultralite Pyramid Tent | Weighting 1lb simple and roomy for two
Trail Design Sidewinder Tri-Ti 900 ML bundle Alcohol stove | Quiet minimalism
Footwear: Hoka’s Speedgoat 5 | Best support I’ve had in a decade
Resources:
The National Forest Service does not require permits for entering the Weminuche Wilderness Area. From the NFS, “The Weminuche spans the Continental Divide, North America’s geological backbone, with its headwaters diverted to both the Pacific and Atlantic oceans. Eolus, Sunlight, and Windom peaks rise above 14,000 feet, while many others reach above 13,000 feet. With an average elevation of 10,000 feet above sea level, the Weminuche is rugged country, but its ecosystems are fragile.”
Backpacker article with GIA GPS waypoints. Another perspective on the route, access details, and specific route details here.
Special thanks:
Ben @ Backcountry Experience in Durango for your stoke, support and last minute gear items we forgot.
I’ve been thinking. I am thinking about dropping rocks, not seeing clearly, and being led.
By rock, I mean being stuck in the past, beholden to an old story no longer serving you, an old unresolved grievance costing you joy today.
My son and I were in Barcelona, Spain, waiting in line to explore La Sagrada Familia one-of-a-kind temple.
I’d just been grumbling, a well-rehearsed old-narrative regret I’d carried for nearly three decades. I’m sure I’d bored him ten times before. Here’s how it went, “I regret never taking that study abroad summer course in Guadalajara, Mexico, before mom and I married. I wish… I can’t believe it… If only I had…”
The story I was telling him there, on the threshold of one of the world’s most holy and sacred spaces, was how different my life would have looked without this life-altering mistake that “I blew it-this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.” The punchline was always about how I would have traveled internationally, learned a second language, and become a more sophisticated world citizen.
Anecdotally Holden, shared with me about their recovery community’s Drop the Rock meeting format.
Bring your rocks in with you. Drop the rocks you’re carrying. Leave empty-handed. Lighter.
Standing in line, my heavy rock became apparent to me.
What a load of crap I’d talked myself into.
Not seeing clearly
The saying goes, “We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.” Now Fifty years old, I’d retold this regret story so many times that it’d become unnoticeable, outside my field of vision. It was the interpretive lens, the way I saw and witnessed my life.
Here I was standing in Barcelona, Spain, (international travel) with my son (deeply connected in the relationship), practicing duo-lingo Spanish (learning a foreign language), working abroad professionally, returning from a week in the foothills of the Pyrenees mountains (a more sophisticated world citizen HA!).
HERE I AM! I couldn’t see any of that. I’d convinced myself my regretful decision thirty years prior would forever suppress my future.
I dropped the rock. I let go of the regret and the life-less interpretation of my youthful choice. I’m radically allowing the voice of Love to heal me on the inside, unlocking more freedom.
Listen to the stories you’re telling yourself on repeat. Drop the rock. See clearly. Allow the eyes of your heart to be enlightened to see clearly-to see ALL of Reality. Remind your soul we’re being led. God’s with us. Thru us and in us.
You can do this.
Keep going,
Aaron
I received a desperate email that read, “I’m in leadership, working crazy hours, working through my vacation last week instead of resting, and the story goes on.”
The gravitational pull is to always be connected, always available, and always responding- even on vacation. I’ve done it too-taken calls on the beach while the kids swam, squeezed in a few emails before breakfast, dialed into a “quick” call during dinner, returning seven days later, tired and frustrated.
Why do we struggle to step away, trusting that others can and will find their path to good outcomes?
Reminds me of the children’s book, “If You Give A Pig a Pancake” A cautionary tale of saying yes once, the Pig never relents from her requests.
Excerpt from the book
Book by Laura Numeroff
If you give a pig a pancake, she’ll want some syrup to go with it.
Pig: May I please have some syrup?
When she gets all sticky, she’ll want to take a bath.
Pig: May I please have some bubbles and a toy?
When you give her your rubber duck, she’ll feel homesick.
Sticking with our Pig and a pancake analogy, here’s the version of the story you’re familiar with from your most recent holiday break. The new requests are like the Pig-never fully satisfied.
(Sunday night email) If you can join the call on Tuesday morning at 630am, I promise it will be a quick one.
(Monday text) After the call, May I please also receive a written summary and go ahead and put it into a few PPT pages?
(Tuesday email & text) There is an RFP we’re working on that just came in-quick deadline. I would love for you to answer just a few questions on pages 12-28. Do you mind? It would be super helpful-its due before you return from holiday.
(Wednesday email) May I please have only two more hours of your attention, during that family dinner you’d planned, the RFP client has a Q&A-the only time everyone is available. You can make it, right?
-You get the picture. It’s not a vacation. It’s what my friend calls “PTO-Pretend Time Off”.
“If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.”
-Greg McKeown, Essentialism
In the modern world, rest is vital to replenish the nutrients in our creative engines. Prioritize your rest and recovery. Operationalize your values with better choices. Take responsibility and do your creative best with your own life. In your absence, trust that others will step up and in to solve the challenges of the day.
For your next holiday, borrow my out-of-office auto-responder. Here’s the one I use, (Thanks Well-being thought leader Jen Fisher for the inspiration)
“I will be out of the office on vacation with my family beginning Monday, July 3rd, returning July 17th. I and my devices will be resting, replenishing my creative engine. I look forward to responding upon my return.”
Out of Office autoresponder
Recover your life and enable yourself a real rest.
You can do this.
Keep going-
Aaron
The modern world is a hindrance to soulful exploration. The naked soul of man is too timid, too armored to disclose whole truths quickly. Step slowly into the quiet, spacious places to explore the courageous questions that lay in wait beyond your full-throttled Life.
Maybe it’s been a while since you had a bold conversation with yourself. Get out there. Forget the map. Get lost if you must.
With God as your guide, explore and whisper your questions. Stay out there. Then return with your heart forward and your spirit attuned to mapping the edges of your frontier.
Abundant, vibrant Life awaits. You can do this.
Keep going-
Aaron
Can you remember? Can you remember the last time you walked out your front door and wandered-no plans-no reservations-and explored your own backyard, the simple spots, maybe even the lost places?
Adventure awaits the curious-hearted, an escape hatch from the mundane and predictable tyranny of screens and mindless routines.
Rambling infuses joy into your life and reminds your soul that productivity and conquest are not your primary purpose here.
We are not human doings.
We are human beings intimately created to connect.
You can do this.
Keep Going-
Aaron
If I stopped writing for a while, a pause from publishing and promoting, I’d more readily find the words below the surface.
I see now I may never catalog the anthologies of my soul while in silence.
I believed the world’s volume and density were too much to puncture.
I broadcast on a lower frequency for those beyond the crowds.
I used to believe I needed to understand what I was trying to say; who’s it for? What’s it about? how will it help?
Now I know the grounded substance of my Life, my rooted strength, transmits “wake up to your Life. God’s with us.”
I’m puzzled by five-year plans, same-day shipping, fresh strawberries in February, Alexa, and how humans claim to love while radically excluding.
Call me a zealot of simplicity, sustainability, and radical love of outsiders
It’s Love who wrote the play.
“Alaska’s Ultimate Wilderness,” The Brooks Range-North America’s Northernmost mountain range is home to The Gates of the Arctic National Park and Preserve. In early June of 2021, our adventure trio Chris, Dave, and I, explored eighty-three trail-less miles inside the Gates of the Arctic. For eight days, we became Arctic residents in this expansive manless environment. Without human contact, constant silence, our fourth adventure companion.
A quick snapshot: Our intended exploration itinerary was to cross multiple high mountain passes, arranging for a bush plane pickup eight days later. To our surprise, winter’s blanket still covered the high peaks and mountain passes with waist-deep snow limiting our travel to the lower elevation glacial valleys. Slowly the Arctic awoke to spring’s animation accelerated by twenty-three hours of daylight and rain. River’s swelled as every hillside, peak, and knoll drained winter’s cold shroud.
Most of the locals appeared not to register what we were. Our wildlife log included the Western Arctic Caribou, Grizzly bear, Dall sheep, moose, Arctic fox, ptarmigan. Our tundra trio experienced a rare and elusive lone wolverine attempting to share our breakfast.
Why Go Here?
We went to see and experience a wild, undeveloped, rugged wilderness void of man’s intrusive disruption. Alaska’s Gates of the Arctic National Park and Preserve, located in the Arctic Circle, is as wild and untamed as early explorers discovered her in the 1880s.
Some facts about “The Gates”
There are countless unnamed peaks, frigid crags, and endless tundra north of the divide. The park boundary is the second largest national park in North America, making it 3.5 times larger than Yellowstone. Containing no roads, trails, or signs, and if you underestimate what’s required, the National Park Service warns, you must be self-sufficient. There is NO ONE nearby if you run into trouble.
How long should I go for? A few days to weeks. Most groups require food resupply after 8-10 days. Our eight day, seven night trip was perfect.
Season: When asking the question “when should I go,” The Brooks Range has a complicated set of questions, trade-offs, and considerations to evaluate. See Andrew Skurka’s Quick Start Guide assess your options thoroughly. We arrived Mid-June which came with twenty-hours+ of daylight, requiring an eye mask to sleep and before mosquito season.
My Journal entries during our adventure
Day 2: Terrain is a Star Wars movie. Endless valleys, wide sweeping glacial remnants. The hills are dormant-not awaken to alpine summer.
Day 2 evening: Out and up unnamed valley toward unnamed pass. Lots of deep snow. Decided to turn down after watching a small snow slide break across our path. Full hearted day as friends as brothers.
Day 3: Grizzly bears, caribou, arctic fox, moose-a regular alpine zoo. Amazing. Big river we decided not to cross-swollen, fast.
Day 4-5: No entry. Guess, I was too tired. Nursing an Achilles heel injury I brought with me.
Day 6: “God is the country in which I live” Eugene Peterson
Pickup day: @ landing strip, crossed river last night after we pitched our tents on a windy ridge. Decided to walk to here instead. Awaiting Dirk’s pickup, Coyote Air 1953 bush plane “Pumpkin”.
Getting there by bush plane
Custom charter air taxi “bush plane” service from Coyote Air in Coldfoot, AK. Our pilots, Dirk Nickish & Danielle Tirrell are seasoned Arctic veterans. Getting to Coldfoot: From Fairbanks or Anchorage, AK, fly Wright Air or drive the Dalton Highway five to six hours from Fairbanks. Getting to The Gates required a total of four airline legs. Denver to Anchorage, to Fairbanks, to Coldfoot, to the Gates of the Arctic drop point to begin our adventure. Plan on enjoying the Alaskan experience where the weather influences every schedule. In total our air travel cost was around $2,000.
Gear worthy of mention:
I’ve upgraded the backcountry equipment I carry on these expeditions with a focus on ultra light. I’m no zealot over ounces, but I do appreciate stuff that works, stuff that holds up and reduces my base weight of 13-14 lbs (my pack weight including everything but food and water).
Feathered Friends Helios Hooded Down Jacket
Hyperlight’s 4400 Southwest Ultralight backpack
Sierra Design High Route 1 person shelter
Trail Design Sidewinder Tri-Ti 900 ML bundle Alcohol stove
Resources:
Andrew Skurka has extensive experience exploring the Brooks Range and provides backpacking enthusiasts helpful resources: A quick start guide, a gear list for June, and details about their guided trips.
Special thanks:
Dave Eitemiller, the Pathfinder, put this trip together with his extensive Arctic experience and love for analytics, logistics, and planning. He deserves special thanks as well for many of these photos. Thanks to Andrew Skurka and the opportunity to benefit from your six-month exploration of the Brooks Range.
