Aaron McHugh
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The Empowerment of Choice

I’m a coffee snob. I prefer dark, black, strong coffee over office or hotel coffee. After I fired my boss, I gave myself smoke breaks, but I’m not a smoker. Instead, I’d fire up my backpacking stove in the trunk of my car and boil a mug of hot water to make a fresh cup of coffee.

No one gave me permission. No one said I couldn’t make coffee in the office parking lot.

Empowerment comes in the subtle edges of choice.

Today, I heard from a friend who caught a few waves in the Pacific after he dropped off his wife and daughter at the airport. He said, “I’m trying to catch small glimpses of joy in the middle of the day and not trying to make it last forever.”

Our Work, our life, our relationships, our play transform when we catch a small glimpse of the available joy amidst our challenges, our chaos, our limitations and our choices.

Why I Write About More Than Just Work-Life Balance?

(Written in 2014) I never set out to write a blog.

I told myself, that’s the last thing the world needs, another guy with an opinion. 

This month marks my third anniversary of this accidental creation, Work Life Play Blog/Podcast.

I am passionate about living a sustainable work-life rhythm that includes play woven continuously. I want to master the Art of Living, not merely default to balancing my career with my family. I’m convinced that integration must be our aim-not balance.

I’ve learned that my voice is best inserted @ the intersections and crossroads of all three Work Life Play. I hope that I’ve helped you blur the lines of distinction between where one starts and where the other ends.

Why this Trifecta?

This is unrehearsed, but here it goes.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking through how best to explain this trifecta. My life experiment is to become more integrated, less fragmented and compartmentalized. Those I admire the most live freely and lightly with little distinction in their work, life and play.

“The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he’s always doing both.”

-James Michener

Blurring the Lines

I want to live a lifestyle where the daily lines between Work Life Play are impossible to draw. I want the rhythms of my life to ebb and flow within this trifecta every day. In my old life, I used to think

I work from 9 am to 5:30 pm.

I play on Saturday mornings or only on vacations.

I spend time with my family and friends on the weekends.

I’m in the process of undoing these old lines of demarcation. I’ve learned that a more gratifying-joy-filled sustainable lifestyle is achieved by blurring the lines every single day. I am becoming an artist of a Work Life Play lifestyle.

Work

I love to work. I’m invigorated by the opportunity to create and innovate. I’m learning to discover work I love while embracing the complexity, uncertainty, and growth as a playground for my development.

Through the vehicle of work, we can create good in the world, in people’s lives as we become more wholehearted.

Life

I believe living a meaningful life requires that we invest heavily in those entrusted to our care. Ancient Wisdom reminds us to “Love others, as you love yourself” and “learn to marshall and direct your energies wisely.” To keep going requires that we prioritize the health of our relationships, our physical and spiritual lives.

Relationships: A meaningful life worth living is rich with relationships. We offer to others what we offer to ourselves. Kindness, patience, forgiveness, trust require being deeply rooted.

I want to steward my relationships so that others thrive under my care.  

Personal health and wellness doesn’t happen on accident.  It takes a constant purposeful attention.  I want to live a long, healthy, active life without becoming obsessive about it.

I want to feel good at age 80 so I’m doing something about it at age 42.

Spiritual life: God’s life is real, and as inescapable as are human relationships. I love God, and I love people. My invitation here is encourage conscious contact with the one who can help.

Transformation, restoration and freedom are available .

Play

Most men I know abandoned play a long time ago.  They grow up, get jobs, become responsible, grow a potbelly, and settle for Fantasy Football leagues and Xbox games as their only adventures.

The world is too big, too wild and too mysterious to stay indoors.

I run, bike, swim, climb, fish, surf (novice), and I’m working on learning to ride a longboard (skateboard).  More importantly, I’ve learned to play amidst life’s difficulties, small margins of time, and life’s obligations.   I want you to play a lot more.

Get muddy, try something new, play with your kids, find an adventure, and stop always staying at the Westin and get in a tent instead.

I’ve needed to put words to this trifecta combo if only to help me make sense of it. Thank you for being apart of this emerging tale these past three years. I hope it made a difference for you.

Keep going friend-

Aaron

What You Should Know Before You Sell Out

I loved Pixar when John Lasseter was directing every film.

I loved Jack Johnson’s music when he was a poor surfer.

The First is often the best

The first version, the first album, the first move, the first season is usually the best.  The quality and soul of version one is often unmatched by the “post success” subsequent versions.

After companies, bands, athletes, writer, entrepreneurs and artist score big they seem to regularly loose their original identity that underpinned their break-out success.

It reminds me of Rocky Balboa from the original 1976 movie. Do you remember when he lived in a cellar, owned two greasy wife beater t-shirts, drank raw eggs in a plastic cup and slept on a cot?  He didn’t have fame, but he had heart.  

Heart drove his training.  

Contrast that image of Rocky to the Lamborghini driving, mega-wealthy, soft champion distracted by what he would be wearing in his next television commercial.

Rocky after he made it big

Count the costs before you cash the check

Before we sell out we should really give some strong consideration to the fact that we might loose The Eye of the Tiger.

A few questions to ponder:

  • Are you ok with that trade?
  • Has the money and the prestige been the goal all along?
  • How much of your present success is because you’ve been the hungry, idealist, dead-set on doing it better than the other guys?
  • How much of your shoe-string budget has forced you to be more innovative?

I have a few friends who are on the verge of this status change.  They have pursued their dream to the point of earning a well-deserved chance to stop punching meat in the freezer.

Will they keep doing version one work even after they make it big?

Real world examples

Were they better before they made it big? 

  • Bon Iver From a Log Cabin to the Grammy’s
    Can he still infuse his music with the melancholy angst that he found in his secluded Wisconsin cabin?  Now he has Grammy albums, fame, distraction and likely not a lot of solitude.  Now that he records in a fancy studio, how will it sound?
  • M. Night Shyamalan Film Maker
“I see dead people”.
    Do you remember his 1999 breakout film The Sixth Sense?  This Indian-American screenwriter’s early work is studied by film students as great works of art.  Today, he is producing mega-blockbusters for Walt Disney Studios.  Which movie would you rather go see?
  • Mossimo Beachwear Designer
    
In 1986, he started making shorts for beach volleyball and schlepping them up and down the California coast.  As his website states, They gained notoriety for their humble, grassroots start.  Now you can find his clothing line in every Target superstore across America.  Is the original aloha vibe still alive?

What I Learn When I Leave Suburbia to Chase Adventure

In the past six months I’ve experienced some adventures that are worth sharing with you.

As the years tick on I am gaining more understanding of my unique offering to the world.

Summarized, I am really good at playing.

I used to not believe it.

I thought everyone loved adventure and sought it out regardless of the circumstances they found themselves in.

A gift that’s meant to be given away

As more gray hair finds it’s way into my crown, I realize that I am entrusted with this gift.

I have an insatiable desire to see what is around the next corner.

When I leave Suburbia and pursue Adventure here is what I’ve learned.

By way of invitation I’d like to share a handful of stories of what I found around a few corners.

Fly Fishing the Gray Reef

Me on the Gray Reef

“The Reef” sounds like some coastline of ocean doesn’t it?  Wyoming’s N. Platte river houses a special section of water that provides a perfect combination of temperature, depth and food.  The river incubates monsters trout.

Dr. Bruce Kautz has become a friend.

Bruce is our pediatrician who for years helped lead the fight to keep my special needs daughter alive.

He diagnosed Hadley twelve years ago with cerebellum hypoplasia (her brain did form correctly).

He was there to admit us into the hospital where she died two years ago (January 28th 2011).

More on our family story at McHughStory.com.

What does this have to do with fly fishing and adventure?

Bruce called me out of the blue in late September and said,

Hey you still fish?

Yeah, I still fish.

Wanna go to Wyoming with me for two days with a guide and fish the Reef?

Of course I’ll go.

Bruce and our guide

As I fought back tears, I told him I’d call him back and let him know if I could go.

I called my wife and told her the story and we both agreed the answer was “of course”.

Bruce (I still don’t feel comfortable calling him by his first name) was in the thick and thin of our life.  He saw us at our worst: accidental drug overdoses, broken femurs, hospitalizations, surgeries, infections, and writing scripts for wheelchairs, feeding tubes and seizure medications.

He is an honorable man. He called it work, but our family called it salvation.

Here is the punch line

Picture me laughing my xxx off in the front of the boat hooking up with big trout for two days.

Now picture me with a sore wrist from hooking and landing more fish than fishermen with nets and a rowboat.

Do you see the contrast?

He lived with us through the famine of our life and now he is offering me an adventure to experience “plenty”.

Surfing Hawaii-The Big Island

Mike Field Surf Board Art

After I resigned from an eight-year career and I needed a break.

I cashed in some miles to fly to the Big Island, HI.

My good friend Sam (who taught me how to play) invited me to come soak in some aloha.

Live Aloha by not planning

I used to fill the calendar with events and obligations.

Now I go with a list of desires and try and let the week take shape.

That said, my friend Sam might still say I’m still learning how to live Aloha.

I guess I still have too much Howlie in me?

Here is a quick run down:

  • Surfing (Mike Field showed me the way)
  • Stand-up Paddle
  • Morning paddling session with the Hawaiians in the 6 man canoe
  • Running in the lava fields at sunrise followed by a swim (Kevin Lynch)
  • Beers mid-day and taking a nap in a lawn chair
  • Friends and meals at night

How is this not just bragging?

I’ve taken a lot of relational risks over the years.

Mike, Sam, Kevin, and “T” have all received relational deposits from me over the years.

I’ve sought these guys out through phone calls, emails, texts and surprises in the mail.

As a result we’ve forged a friendship that enables for me to be invited into their worlds.

I am not just a visitor, I’ve become a friend.

A morning paddle or a surf session is their normal.

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I get to participate in a story that is already in motion.

They simply make a place for me in it.

The beauty of this kind of adventure is that it is not a simulation of the authentic.

It’s the real deal.

Mountain Biking the Redwoods

The fellas heading into the Redwood Forest

Meet Bill.

He is the Director of Guest Services at Mount Hermon Conference Center outside of Santa Cruz, CA.

He’s been there for 18 years and can’t imagine doing anything else.

In case you’ve never been there, picture gigantic trees that are 2,400 years old with a high-ropes course 100 feet up into the canopy.

Jurassic Park meets the Ewoks from Return of the Jedi.

I met the mild mannered Bill while attending a Wild at Heart Boot Camp.

Do you see the connection?

  • Bill graciously agrees to take us on a guided tour of the redwoods for a two hour mountain bike ride.
  • He supplied the bikes, the route and the invitation.
  • It was a story already in-motion and this is Bill’s normal.
  • He rides this ride once or twice a week but he was stoked to take a bunch of hacks out for a cruise.

Check out the rag-tag crew above.  Ambassador Bill on the right.

Two Hours of Surfing in Santa Cruz

My brother Matt suiting up

Better than shuffleboard

Most people would assume that three hours is not long enough to have an adventure.

Between breaks during our weekend at Mt. Hermon, Matt, my brother, and I got a hook-up from my friend Curious Gabe.

Gabe is a long-standing columnist and photographer for Surfer Magazine.

I asked him….

Who should we call to go surfing?

Gabe, being said “Definitely Richard Schmidt Surf School”.

Thanks to Gabe

A few emails later, we were scheduled for a 2 pm surf lesson.

Although we didn’t have some great story of relational connectedness, we did have a twenty-something who loves surfing enough that he works only to earn money for beer and gas.

Down the hill, wetsuit on, catching waves, wetsuit off, back up the hill all in three hours.

You should’ve seen our smiles.

When all the other guys opted for shuffleboard or a game of cards, we lived an Outside Magazine article.

Up and back to Barr Camp

102,00 Feet on Pikes Peak

Barr Camp has been around since the early 1900’s.

It is located seven miles up the Barr Trail on the way to the summit of Pikes Peak.

Its charming but rugged with a couple of beds, a wood stove and two young ladies cooking up ramen noodles and coffee.

In order to get there you have to be willing to climb 2,800 feet of elevation.

For most people it takes between three or four hours from the parking lot.

My buddy Ray Cameron’s son was back from college for the weekend so we joined the youngsters in an up and back trip one Saturday morning in February.

We swap stories

Ray and I chat personal finances, business challenges and the challenges of dealing with his daughter’s cancer.

Hiking trails provide a phenomenal context for unpacking stories. 

I love the concept of parallel play.

The idea that boys and men play better together when they are doing something versus just sitting at a coffee table.

I love coffee and can gladly polish a pitcher of beer with fellas, but I love being on the trail more.

Climbing James Peak in a blizzard

This one makes me laugh just thinking about it. One of my favorite mountaineers was Alex Lowe.

He had this charismatic and optimism that was infectious.  He was a physical specimen of a man at 6′ 4″ he could move across mountains like a superhero can climb buildings.

I was able to meet him once and we had a good chat about the time I met some of his friends while climbing Mt. Rainier.

Alex Lowe, James Peak and Matt Dealy

My buddy Matt Dealy and I love mountains. And we have this unfortunate reality of our lives that we dream of mountains more often than we experience them. This day, we purposed to go into them.

We wanted to hike/climb James Peak outside of Idaho Springs, CO.  I had guided a client up the mountain ten+ years ago.

I knew we had the probability of a coin toss that we would make it to the top.

Alex Lowe would always say,“You can’t tell what is happening up there from down here”.

I always loved that mantra.

Alex’s words encouraged me to push higher on climbs and not give up or turn around just because it appeared to be was crappy weather above you.

It was literally a blizzard outside

Matt and I couldn’t even get out of the car.

We drove to 10,000 feet and there were no other cars in the parking lot.

No snowplow had cleared the road.

The iPhone weather app promised snow and wind.

We packed our packs and headed up anyway.

Luckily I’d been there a dozen times and could navigate our way up to St. Mary’s Glacier.

I love pushing in a controlled environment

What I mean is that I love suffering when it is by choice.

Why?

In life suffering is so uncertain. 
You don’t know when it will end.

In life you are unable to foresee how long the suffering or discomfort will last.

You have no idea when relief is going to arrive.

I hate that reality.

In the mountains you can always turn around and go home.

In the mountains, you are largely in control of how bad it gets or how long it lasts.

Most people don’t think this is kind of blizzard adventure is fun.

Matt’s one of the few friends that enjoys this kind of day.

In the end, we didn’t make it very far up the mountain before we decided that some hot coffee sounded better than snow sandblasting our faces.

Skiing with my daughter Averi

I saved the best story for last. My daughter Averi is almost 12.  She is an algorithm of beauty, joy, and athleticism. We escaped suburbia a few weeks ago for a ski day at Monarch outside of Salida, CO.

It was just the two of us

After three kids I now know that the activity itself is not the point.

Spending time together is the point.

When my firstborn Holden was 12 year old I failed at this principle.

When he was young, I thought the adventure was the point.

Now when I play with my kids I am better able to flex with their temperature and go at their pace.

They may argue that point.

If we need to stop and get a Starbucks to bribe them to keep going, we will.

If we need to go inside to warm up and eat a $20 lunch, then we do.

I won’t bore you with my young type-A fatherly dysfunctions.

Luckily we can always start being the fathers and mothers that we wish we were yesterday by starting to change today.

I hope you will risk pursuing an adventure very soon.

If you can’t think of one, shoot me an email and I’ll give you some idea starters.

am@aaronmchugh.com 

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